I imagine if you are asking the question “Does grief ever go away?” you are either grieving someone you love or you love someone who is grieving.
Either way, there is pain and suffering involved and it seems to be unbearable at times to experience and to witness.
And so you wonder, does grief ever go away?
And I wish the answer was as simple as yes or no, but it isn’t.
Being the mother of a son who died in 1999, versus being the daughter who lost her father in 2021, I have come to have much different beliefs about grief.
One belief answers this question with a “no”, grief doesn’t go away. But now I have another belief: you CAN heal the pain of your grief. And I know this to be true because I am living proof.
As a grieving mom, I was led to believe grief attached itself to you, or was something you had to get used to carrying the rest of your life. I was also led to believe that it would lessen with time. So after sessions with counselors, talking with members of the clergy, reading books on grief, and joining a grief support group, I was better able to manage my grief, but the heaviness never seemed to disappear. I thought I had progressed as far as I could go. I describe it as living life in sepia tones. The color and richness of life just seemed to fade.
So if you would have asked me back then, “does grief ever go away?”, my answer would have been no, not entirely.
I lived this way for 13 years, until a business coach I had hired, introduced me to a grief coach.
After 8 sessions working with her, I can tell you my life returned to full color. My beliefs had transformed and my grief disappeared. I never knew this was possible and I wonder if I had been told this when Brandon died if I would have actually been able to believe it.
But it’s true. And if it happened for me, I know it can happen for others too.
And now I am on a mission to let everyone know grief does not have to last forever.
So if you are experiencing great pain from loss please know this:
You might not be ok right now, but you will be.
And if someone you love is grieving, please pass this message or forward this blog to them. Because it is true.
As an author, speaker, and founder of the Graduating Grief Academy, it has become my mission to let people know that you can graduate from the pain of your grief and live your life with purpose, passion and joy.
Healing and transformation can happen IF you believe it is possible, decide to take action, choose to participate in your healing and commit to doing the work.
This is part of what I call the “Graduating Grief Philosophy” and I want as many people to know about it as possible.
Healing Grief is Possible
I can tell you this because as a mom who lost a son, I no longer grieve his death.
This does not mean I don’t miss my son, or any other person I love who has died. What it means is through my work with a grief coach I have been able to heal the pain and suffering that came with those losses. And the tools I learned continue to help me with the grief I experience from subsequent losses. I now teach others those tools through the sophomore level of the Graduating Grief Academy called My Healing Journey.
You Must Decide to Take Action
Too many times people who are grieving just accept the belief that you will always grieve. Or worse, they believe time will heal their grief, only to wake up years later still wondering why they are in pain.
I tried so many things that helped somewhat and yet the grief was still there, that I believed this too.
In fact, I lived in a state of what I would describe as “low grade” grief for 13 years.
I would describe myself as existing and surviving, not knowing that LIVING and THRIVING were possible.
As a result, I don’t want it to take another grieving person one day longer than it needs to be if they want healing for themselves.
Please don’t sit and wait for the pain to subside, you will be waiting forever.
You have to decide it’s time to heal and then take action to make it happen. Find a positive grief support group, hire a grief coach who is trained to help guide you through your journey. Take action.
Choose to Participate in Your Healing.
Too many people accept grief as a life sentence which is a burden no one should have to bear.
Acceptance does not mean you have to accept living in a state of constant pain and suffering.
It means you have accepted that your loved one has died and will no longer be sharing life with you in this physical plane. Therefore in order to heal, you have to choose it.
It would be nice if healing grief was as easy as popping a bill. But it’s not. And even if you decide to take something to help you manage your grief, anxiety, or depressive mood, unless you get to the root of the grief and process it, it will linger in your body.
This is what happened to me.
In order to heal you must choose to participate in your healing. Give yourself the time, the space, and the permission you need to make it happen.
Commit to Doing the Work.
Coming face to face with the excruciating pain of your grief is not for the faint of heart.
Humans by nature are motivated to do things to either feel more pleasure or to avoid pain.
And facing those feelings, and allowing yourself to fully experience them can be some of the most difficult work you’ll ever do.
Grief hurts. In fact, it can be excruciatingly painful. It can be debilitating and it can destroy your life if you let it live inside of you.
In order to heal your grief, you have to go to work. You must get down to the root, dig it up and let it out.
And that is hard work.
Many of us avoid doing this because we feel if we do, we might get lost in it and never find our way through.
Others may not be able to access that deep pain or have taken all kinds of measures to dull that pain to avoid feeling it.
And for others, it just feels too dang hard.
Healing grief is hard work. But it is work that is totally worth the pain and effort. Joining a positive support group with members and leaders who will be there to support you through this hard work is essential. That’s what clients experience when participating in MY HEALING JOURNEY through the Graduating Grief Academy.
When you are able to face your pain, you are then able to transform and heal your grief. Once that transformation takes place, don’t be surprised to experience a life that feels richer, fuller and more meaningful than you ever dreamed possible.
If you are interested in learning more about MY HEALING JOURNEY or other courses offered through the Graduating Grief Academy go to graduatinggrief.com
Does Grief Ever Go Away – Graduating Grief Podcast
Does grief ever go away? That is a question just about every grieving person wants to know, that’s because it’s one of the most googled questions about grief out there.
When you have lost someone you love, you can be in so much pain, you just want it to end. And yet so many people will tell you that it lasts the rest of your life. Hearing that can be devastating. So in this episode, I talk about what I believed at first, when I lost my son Brandon. And what I believe now and how I have come to my current belief. I hope you will find it inspiring and hope-filled as you journey through your grief to hope and healing.